Saturday, March 2, 2013

RolePlayGateway?

Bonjour! I'm new here, and I want to post the first chapter of A book I'm working on. I wrote this prologue a while ago, and have improved since then, but I would still like some feedback.

The core concept of my story is time travel and different time periods. The five main characters all live in different time periods on the same world. Four of their stories are told through their writing, as the character in the prologue sees near the end, the fifth story being recounted from memory. Eventually they travel through time and shenanigans ensue.

Also, any questions about world-building would be greatly appreciated.

(Author's note: This prologue takes place near the end of the story, although at the beginning of the book, and many things such as Aurum aren't supposed to be explained yet.)

Prologue

The wind bit at the young woman's face as the great ship sailed through the foggy channel, the arctic weather tearing the
sail with sleet. Thunder boomed overhead as the ship plowed on. No sane crew would sail the reef filled channel in this type of weather. But this ship did not house a sane crew. It housed one woman, one person, who was so full of adrenaline she thought she could navigate a galleon through the most danger filled waters of the world. But, it was better than the other option. Fear could make people do crazy things. Lightning struck the water extremely close to the boat. It illuminated the dark foggy expanse for a moment, and revealed her pursuers; a pitch black warship, commanded by the king of Hylenn himself. They were three days out from shore, and had been quickly gaining. Now, they were only a few hundred meters away, and her slower, underarmed and undermanned ship would never hold it's own in naval combat. And they were almost within firing range. She had enough Aurum to hold back their mental attacks, but if they started shooting she was done for. Lighting struck, even nearer now. The ship was 600 meters away. The woman stumbled over to the rigging, cradling her broken arm. Crack! The lightning struck again. The boat was 500 meters away. They would start firing at three hundred. She winced, and pulled the knife from the back of the figure slumped on the rigging. Crack! Four hundred. She glanced around hurriedly. Crack! Three hundred fifty. She could see the gunners now, the deadly red crystal glinting on the tip of their guns. Three twenty five. She saw what she was looking for, one discoloured plank on the deck.

She began to limp over to it. Bang! The ball of condensed energy struck the side of the boat and sent her sprawling. She grabbed the rigging and attempted to heave herself up. Another blast pummeled the boat and made her lose her footing. She turned towards the discoloured wood again, so close, and yet it seemed as though there was a world of space she had to traverse. Using her one good arm, she dug her nails into the wood and dragged herself forwards a foot. She screamed as the boat was jerked violently by another shot and her broken arm was thrust under her. She gritted her teeth and clawed another foot forwards. The boat shuddered with the sound of wood and metal grinding together. It would only be minutes until it sank, less if they continued barraging the boat so ruthlessly. Suddenly, with a boom of thunder a lightning bolt struck between the two ships, and the blood red crystal figurehead of a lion sparkled with brilliance on the war galleon. The whole row of gunmen was now visible, grim determination set into their faces. With one last heave, she had pulled herself to the board, and jammed the tip of the knife under it's edge. The ship shuddered again and she could see parts of the deck mashing together and splintering. The rotten board gave easily and she reached her hand into the darkness. She felt a small stone and wrapped her fist around it. Good, she thought, it's still there. She pulled her hand out and looked at her palm. There was a small glittering blue gemstone, with an incredibly small keyhole built into the side. She fumbled around in her pocket for the key. She pulled it out, and gingerly put it between her thumb and forefinger. Suddenly, the boat was struck by a devastating blow, and it tipped on a steep angle. The key went flying out of her hand and slid off the deck, into the foaming sea. Dammit! She thought.

The boat shuddered, groaned, slowed, and finally came to a stop.

"What? I'm nowhere near land."

She looked up, and saw an amazing sight. A ring was opened in the clouds, and the sun shone on an island. The wind seemed not to affect it, and the grass was the deepest green she had ever seen. But that was not the greatest sight. In the center of the island was a tower, a tower that seemed to stretch all the way into the clouds, crafted of a stone so ancient she could only image what stories they could tell. Moss and vines had seeped into the deeply cracked stone, and she wondered how it managed to keep standing. She stared at its beauty for a moment more. When with a shuddering crash her mast cracked into a thousand splinters and began to descend on her. It seems that the war galleon had not forgotten its job. She rolled out of the way just as the mast crashed down where she was laying down just a moment ago. Holding the gemstone in her fist gave her a new energy, and she could feel her broken arm healing at an increased pace. She sprung to her feet and began to sprint for the bow of her boat where it connected with the island. The cannons on the war galleon turned their attention from pulverizing the boat to simply shooting her. Deck exploded all around her, splinters flying into her arms as she shielded her face. The tower was her only chance. She neared the edge of the boat, still dodging blasts of energy. It would take to long to climb down to the ground from the bow but the jump would kill her, or at least incapacitate her. A plan began to formulate within her head. She increased her speed and focused on the bowsprit that held the figurehead beneath it. She would have to get out as far as she could. A blast struck the side of the bowsprit. It made a cracking sound. No! She doubled her speed. Her lungs were burning, but she ignored them. She had finally reached it. As she put her weight on the wood it started to groan and she could feel it giving in. Just a few more feet! A crash resonated behind her, but she didn't dare look back. The wood began to snap of underneath her, just as she reached the end. She bent her knees and leapt off the end just as a blast obliterated the wood behind her. She went flying through the air, and for a moment, she thought she would hit the ground. But then she saw the tower fast approaching. She hit the side of the tower with a sickening thud, although the gemstone in her pocket kept the pain at a minimum. She gripped her hands into the cracks in the stone, and found footholds in the cracks underneath her. She thought quickly. I'll only have a few seconds before their cannons are aimed my way. The ground is to far down to jump, and would take too long to climb. There's a window a few feet away. If I could climb in the tower would give me a few minutes of respite. She began to leap from handhold to handhold, her primal nature and strength allowing her to move quickly. But she was not quick enough.

The cannons began firing again, and she was a sitting duck on the wall. She bounded up and down to try and throw the canons off, while still making progress towards the window. Chunks of stone rained down, and she made the mistake of following then with her eyes. The ground was a good hundred feet down, and she was struck with vertigo. A blast shattered the brick inches above her head. The stone rained down on her, along with the dust that had been collecting for thousands of years. She swore and blinked frantically as the dust stung her eyes. She blindly climbed in what she thought was the direction of the window. Blasts were shaking the tower around her, and she thought that it may fall over. But it stood strong, and she continued her blind ascent. She reached for her next handhold, and she was met with air. She began to tumble backwards, but managed to catch herself with one hand. It was the window! She crawled in and immediately flopped onto her back. She rubbed her eyes and opened them a crack. The inside of the tower was dark and cold. The whole room shook as each of the blasts struck the outside, awakening dust that had been slumbering. It was almost impossible to see anything. But, there was a faint glow, and it was not coming from outside. It was coming from her pocket. She reached in and pulled out the gemstone. It was pulsing with a pale blue light, and it seemed to be gently pulling in the direction of the stairs. At first, she obliged, but then she looked around the room in the new light. She was met with a great sight. The walls were covered in writing, runes from all different languages, some she had never seem, and some she recognized. She held her light up to the wall. The words mesmerized her, and she forgot about the small army outside. She scanned the writing in the language that she recognized. She followed the dizzying string of text that wound around and through all the other writing until she found what she thought was the beginning. She began to read.

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